Have you ever met the "Awesommelier"

(WARNING: contains irony and sarcasm)

As we have introduced the main qualities that a good sommelier should have here, there is also time to introduce Awesommelier. 


His LinkedIn profile would look like this:


Imagine entering a restaurant, it is empty and decorated with a very bored face. The boredom is even supported by a chewing gum that even a cow could be proud of. Just next to the door you can find a fridge with a thick layer of ice with some wine leftovers. We can bet this is the most sophisticated way to take care of wine.


With a very reflective gesture we are seated behind the worst table in the restaurant as he or she doesn't want to be distracted from a football match.

Once we see the Awesommelier closer we can see his or her appearance is not alright as well. His or her outlook is rumpled and hands are not lovely. We can find many golden rings and various golden chains take us back to the 80's. His or her outfit presents a personal menu from the past days. Also white socks combined with black trousers and shoes are not just for Michael Jackson, obviously... We don't want to even mention sandals or other open-toe shoes variations.


The grease-stained menu is a real exhibition of creativity. It is not complicated to find Champignons instead of Champagne.


You can try to ask for some other info regarding to white and red wine offered. However, it is quite a risk as the vocabulary of the Awesommelier is not that much elevated. Obviously watching porn is not the best way to learn how to present wine. 


You can try to be violent and raise the pressure by blackmail. Such a fruitful way of communication. The answer is: It is red or white in a bottle. He or she means in a bottle made of glass – the desired seal of quality. If the Awesommelier is in a good mood he will also tell you that the bottle volume is 0,75 litre.


Don't be fooled by the variety, year, wine region or subregion, such useless information if you know it is from that green crate… 


Be sure you don't ask for Champagne as the answer can be Prosecco!

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Ivo Dvořák

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